Oh the drama!!!!!!

What a day!!!!  I am such a drama hater and I have had way more than I care to handle today.  But, I am almost to the point of embracing my inner bitch and being OK with everything these people dole out to me today.

So this is the deal......

My 14 year old niece puts up a photo on Facebook of her and her boyfriend kissing.  You know....... one of those cheesy, stand in front of the bathroom mirror with your cell phone pictures. Of course, she gets a bazillion comments, mostly from a lot of other teens egging her on.   However, the thing that that really bothered me was her telling someone "hahaha, my daddy isnt a happy camper, hahah."  With smilies. 

I told her "It doesn't matter if you are 14 or 34, a photo like that is inappropriate and I can understand why your daddy is not happy.  I wish you had more respect for him than that."  

And, I sent her a private message this morning telling her that I wasnt going to tell her right or wrong, I just wanted her to have some self-respect for herself because so many boys will see that picture and get the wrong message, and I dont want that for her.   

Well, the short story is that my sister-in-law (the stepmom) has ripped me a new one and told me to mind my freaking business.  And then she unfriended me, after telling me my brother is also pissed about what I said.

AND, my brother's EX-wife was logged into my nieces acct. when I sent private message to her. And I got it all over again. And I was told that if I only see her on holidays and birthdays, I don't get to have opinions.  (Even though me and my parents have to fight tooth and nail for every time we want to see those kids.)

Ughhhhh!!!!!! 

I hate this kind of stuff and I am pissed that it has taken up so much time in my day.  But on the flip side, what did I do wrong here????? I tried to teach my niece about self respect.  Well, I just can't be sorry for that.  And if the grownups in her life cant handle another adult trying to be a positive influence on her, that is their problem. 

I am so frustrated today.  The east way out would be to just let them (my nieces) go.  As their mom so kindly pointed out..... there is no court order that says she has to let her kids see their grandparents, or their aunts or their cousins. 

And on the other side, these little girls are CHILDREN and it is not their fault their parents got divorced.  They shouldn't have to go through this and it pisses me off when grown-ups can't act like the adults they are.

Mmmm.... meatloaf!

I made meatloaf for dinner last night, then I got on Sparkspeople and figured up the calories!!!

HOLY COW!!!!  ;)

This is the nutrition info provided by that website:

Nutritional Info

• Servings Per Recipe: 10
• Amount Per Serving
• Calories: 350.4

• Total Fat: 25.5 g
• Cholesterol: 95.7 mg
• Sodium: 389.7 mg
• Total Carbs: 11.2 g
• Dietary Fiber: 1.2 g
• Protein: 18.0 g

One of my Twitter friends wanted to know if there was some way to trim the calories. So, first... how I make my meatloaf:   

2 pounds of ground beef:    I was born and raised on a cattle ranch, so my beef is FULL of fat.  But it does not look like a pile of worms on a Styrofoam tray and it tastes GOOD, so I am partial to it.   LOL..... I had a friend once who told me I am a Meat Snob, because I won't eat the stuff out of the grocery store.  But you all have different tastes, so this would be the very first place to trim calories.  


1 cup grated carrots and about 8 ounces fresh mushrooms, diced.  


3 eggs (normally I do one egg per pound of meat, but with the mushrooms and carrots, I added an egg.)


1 cup bread crumbs


Generous amount of Montreal Steak Seasoning (to taste)
Worcestershire sauce ( AKA Bug Juice in our family.  
Parsley

And, because I hate catsup with a passion, I make my meatloaf with wither BBQ sauce or, light night I used Lea & Perrin's Steak sauce, maybe about 1/3 of a cup.  


Once every thing is all mixed, I spread in the pan and spread a thin layer of the steak sauce on the top.  


Last night, I was preparing for my family of SIX, so I used a large loaf pan.  However, I have cooked my meatloaf in a MUFFIN PAN because that makes perfect single serving sizes that I can freeze.... great for lunches or those times when I dont have to cook for everyone.  


So.... how else to trim calories...... I don't always use breadcrumbs, and I could have maybe got by with 2 eggs.  


For me, 350 calories just for the meatloaf was startling, especially because we also had baked potatoes for dinner.  But really, if I omit a starch and just eat the meatloaf and a veggie, that really isn't a bad meal in terms of total calories. And it is a great source of protein. So for me, I will leave it just the way it is. 

Haha, so maybe that is the answer:  cut calories by cutting the potato....I will  leave my meatloaf just the way it is!!

Calorie Counting etc..... what's your plan?

What has it been since I posted last... a week?  Two?  Seems like the time has passed so quickly.  At my last post, I was STUCK. And it hurt. A lot.  I went for an unfill and she removed .75 ccs.  And I put seven pounds on as fast as they came off.  So then yesterday, I had .25 put back in.

That is the story of my life.  Get fill....too tight....lose weight... get stuck, unfill.... gain weight..... and get a fill again.  If you look at my weight chart, you will see the pattern there.  Up and down and up again.  It is just a wee bit aggravating.  I am so close to the 100 pound mark, and just a little farther than that to onederland.

So, I guess this is the point when I quit waiting for the band to tell me when to stop and I start being more concerned about calories. 

My nurse told me she wants me at 1100-1200 calories. 

So this is my question -- and believe me, ALL ideas are welcome.   What kind of plan do you all use to keep track of calories? I have used Sparkspeople in the past, but it takes so dang much time to do the food searches. And how do you account for things like homemade recipes that you have no idea what the calorie count is? 

My favorite plan ever was based on Diabetic exchanges, but I am not sure how many exchanges would equal the calorie range I need to be at. 

This morning, I had my protein shake for breakfast.  It is 1030 now, and I am ready for something else, but trying to hold out til it is closer to lunch time.  It seems like a long wait.  But, I am headed for a long hot bubble bath with my book, a novel about Marie Antoinette.  (Fascinating!)   My first thought was to take my sugar free hot apple cider to sip on in the meantime, but I have also been advised to cut out the artificial sweeteners, even fruit sweeteners.  Bah!!!!!!!   Yup, definitely need that hot bath!

If nothing else, I can't get in the fridge unless I scare my children with a naked streak to the kitchen!!

Happy Saturday to you!!

Stuck?!?!!?

I had dinner last night, and since then, I have that little ache in my back again.  And this morning, it feels like my dinner is still there.  Sigh.  I am not sure if I am just stuck,  or if this stupid old band just tightened up on me again.  

Any suggestions??  

I just wish me and Cailleach could get in sync... I really liked losing weight and I have so much more to lose.

What in the hell am I going to eat today?

I had an unfill the other day.. I had to.  I was in so much pain I can only compare it to having kidney stones. But the thing is, now I am really afraid of gaining the weight back, so I know I have to be super, very careful.  

I had a protein shake for breakfast this morning.... 230 calories, 28 grams of protein. Then I went to the gym and worked it off.  

It is 11 a.m.now and I am HUNGRY.  

I know I have lots of leftovers in the fridge...... tacos, spaghetti, homemade beef pot pie.    Calories!! Scare me!

I also know there is one bowl of chicken noodle soup and one bowl of tomato soup. And there is apple sauce.     Blah!! 

Oh... and the ice cream DD brought home yesterday..... my husband sent her to the store specifically for ice cream..... but really, did have to bring my favorite??? There is a big ol' giant tub of chocolate peanut butter ice cream in my freezer.

I am sitting here in my bedroom, I know it is time to eat.  And I don't want to go anywhere near my refrigerator. 

With spring comes ...HOPE

I had a little bit of sunshine in my world this last week.  Aren't they pretty?? This is the first March in ages that spring has tried to make an appearance.... last several years it has been more like June.  Of course, I am not holding my breath... it can change at any moment.  So for now, I am just sucking up all the sunshine I can get. 

It is really hard to be in my husband's head.... he is not real great at sharing his feelings.  But..... if I have to go by how I feel.... I think just maybe he and I are on the upswing.  He made a comment to me a couple weeks ago... said he only knew what the crystal ball had to say about our future.  WHAT!?  Now...... I KNOW that he did not spend 25 years with the Marines and retire as a Master Gunnery Sgt. by waiting around to see what life would throw in his lap.  


LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. 


Since that day, he just seems to be trying harder and he just seems more like his old self.  Of course, I still haven't heard those three little words in a very long time.  That is hard.  But... I am just trying to give him the time to work through it all.  He didn't just marry me..... this man, at 50 yrs old, after 12 years of being single, married me AND four children. Of course it is overwhelming.  I only wish he understood how natural it is to get overwhelmed. I am their momma and they can do me in, lol!!


I had to get an unfill on Friday and now I am scared to death that my weight is going to go back up.  At my daughter's birthday part yesterday, I was able to eat a whole taco AND a brownie topped with ice cream.  TOO MUCH!!  So I will have to be really careful what I eat. And if I can't get a spot in my band that gets it right, I may have to settle for some restriction, and heaven forbid, maybe some restraint.  I have never been good at that. 

And I can't skip the gym, good as it sounds for today.Speaking of that, it is time to crawl out of my cozy warm bed and take the girlies to school, on the way to the gym. And then, lucky me... I get the day to myself.  I am liking Mondays more and more.

Oh the pain--- Cailleach strikes again!!!

Stupid band anyway!! 

My band has been tight but bearable until yesterday, when the pain got SO bad.... my back felt as awful as it did when I had kidney stones. It has never hurt that bad before.  But, I feel so blessed -- my nurse is really an angel.  

The clinic closes at 2 on Fridays and there was no way I could make the two-hour trip down there before closing. I called her to see if I could even get some Lortab to get me through the weekend (it was THAT much pain!) and before I could even ask, she said she would wait for me, just to come anyway.  I really love her!!! 

So... my sweet husband dropped what he was doing and drove me to the Big City, and Vivienne removed .75 ccs from my band.

I am so discouraged, because my weight is finally going down again.  But I am so so relieved... that pain was so unbearable. 

Rulon Gardner from Biggest Loser will be speaking at my gym in 10 days.  I would love to hear him speak, but it is also part of a weight loss seminar and I am sure the gym will be pushing their weight loss products, so I am not sure I will go. 

My oldest daughter turned 18 yesterday...... makes me sad.  I miss my little girls...... none of them are tiny anymore.... my "baby" is going to be 8 this year. And this morning, I woke up to the littlest in a rage... the two sisters in the middle are being "mean" to her and making her feel left out.... while the oldest sister is being mean and going away to college. Poor girl... I feel for her, but I am not in the mood for her temper tantrums today.  Girl has a serious anger problem that we have been working on for years.... but today the momma is just worn out. 

I would love to bury my head in the sand today... or hide in my cave with a good book.... but I have committed to taking daughters up to the house today.  DD#3 is excited... she gets to tear the sheetrock out of her bedroom so it can be redone.. and DD#2 is getting a new wall in her room. 

So..... I am headed for a soak in the tub.... maybe that will help me deal with the chaos a little better today.