Faith

I feel like I have been whining so much lately, but this is the one place I can talk freely.  SO today I will try to keep it short and more positive. 

Me and my Marine talked yesterday.  I am so glad we did -- I felt horrible for carrying around those doubts, and it was such a relief to get it all off of my shoulders.  We actually talked about a lot of things in a short period of time.  The thing that I most appreciated was that he actually stopped what he was doing, sat on a stool and just listened to me. There was no criticism, no anger and no blame. And, it seemed like he understood what I was saying. 

He said something yesterday that really hit a chord with me.  His big fear is "what if" .... what if we try and fix things and in a year it is the same ol' thing?  What if in a year it doesn't work out and the children are even more attached (therefore hurt) than they already are?   

I told him the first two things that came from the heart:

•  He has to trust me... he has to allow me the opportunity to help him through the tough times, he has to believe that I want our marriage to be the best it can be and he has to trust that I hold his tender heart with care and would never do anything on purpose to create problems for us. 

•  This whole marriage thing, I think, is much like my life with food and weight loss.  It is a lot of work, something I have to work on every day.  Even having surgery does not make it become something that happens automatically, without thought and planning.  The same will be true for our marriage..... we will have to work on it every day of our life together.   I can't quit just because I hit a binge period or a plateau, and WE can't quit just because it gets overwhelming and scary. 

Well, on the way home yesterday, it occurred to me that I need to do the same for him.... I need to trust that he is trying hard and doing his best.  I need to believe in him and give him time to work through this, and while he is getting there, I need to let him know we absolutely appreciate what he does for us. Now that we had the ex-wife talk, I need to let it go. The other day, I felt like there was hope for us.  I need to hold on to that feeling. 

Ironically, I signed in to my Twitter account today, and saw this from Bob Harper:   

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase". A quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Love this.

So, today... I am going to start the day with FAITH.  My Marine and I can only talk this over so much before we really just have to get back to living and being the people we married. 

We have only just begun this married life, and I am sure there will be many more ups and downs. I can only hope we are tough enough to get through them.

Foaming at the mouth today

I am so sorry, this is Blog Post #4 today.  But -- no one else to talk to at the moment. 

I am freaked out about the possibility of a slipped band.  I would really like to talk to my husband about it.  But today has been one of those days.  He spent the day working on the house.  He got home..... I had to leave for a baby shower.  In the 2 minutes I got to talk to him, it was all about the house.  I couldn't get a word.  I got home from the baby shower, and the first thing was all about how the computer didn't work STILL.  

I probably wasn't very nice to him.  I told him I am DONE with that computer -- I tried to do what I could to fix it. And then I took it to the shop.  But I feel like everything I have done isn't good enough, like he is second guessing every move I make with it.  I am not a computer geek.  I am sick of trying to struggle through the thing to figure it out.  

Remember when I said I am not good at this newlywed stuff? 

He said he didn't mean that it was my fault.  But I can also tell he isn't happy with me and my attitude.  So he is in the shower and I am here with my laptop feeling like an ass.   For half a second I stopped to wonder why I get so damn defensive.  But I am tired. I am still freaked out about the band and I don't really want to get into any heavy thinking right now.  I am tired and I am coming down with a cold. And when I get a cold, it very quickly turns to bronchitis if I am not super careful.  And I am really just whining at this point.

I am so sorry for that.  But ..... had to get it off my chest.  Going to do the dishes now.