I am going to have a come-apart!!!!!!!!!

On Tuesday, I was in desperate need of a long hot bubble bath, but I got called to do a newspaper story, so I spent the afternoon working, and my opportunity was lost. 

So yesterday, I REALLY needed that hot bath. Not to mention the greasy hair, hairy legs and other "ewwwww" factors.  Instead, I got 2 minutes in an ankle-deep tub of cold water. Skip the hair and wash what I have to.... because my daughter got the luxury of a long, leisurely hot shower. 

Therefore TODAY........ I told her in no uncertain terms that mom gets the bathroom first. PERIOD. 

But if you think I am freshly bathed and relaxed, think again!!! 

It takes a long time for the hot water to actually get hot and get up the stairs to my tub, so you usually have to start it and give it time to heat.  Which I did.  And then I put in a few pumps of Lavender and Chamomile bubble bath that my step-daughter sent me for Christmas.  And then I waited for my tub to fill so I could sink into a hot tub of goodness. 

Well, that won't be happening. 

Because yours truly failed to flip the switch to plug the drain.  And while I was waiting for my tub to fill, all of that hot water went right down the effing drain.

I am not sure what makes me more angry -- that once again I am gypped of my bubble bath, (I really do have things I should be working on, not lounging in the tub all day long!) or that this time it is my own damn fault... can't even blame the teenager this time.

I JUST WANTED A HOT BATH.... IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!? 

Avoidance and bad behavior

I hope you all had a special holiday with your families.  I celebrated my first Christmas with my new husband and I have to say, it was a nice day. 

I guess I am in quite a rut right now..... eating lots of caramels, chocolate and anything else I can get my hands on.  I have been avoiding my Twitter and my blogs, the things that help keep me in line. Sometimes it is just too much to think about every waking moment.

Apparently, I need a fill again.  But, I am so afraid of going back to the puking and sliming.  At this point, I would have to say my band hasn't slip.  After the last unfill, I can eat pretty good now.  Maybe too good. But, I need to get my self under control and work some of this weight off before I am going back to the Big City to get on that scale. More avoidance.... I dont want to see the evidence of my misbehavior in numbers.

The first two hours of my day.... and only 12 more to go!

 The day has only just begun, so there isn't much to day just yet.  I am off to a good start for the day, but I am so worried about getting through the entire day.  But, for now, in a nutshell........
 

•  The scale at the gym this morning said 224.  I expected it to go up, but maybe not that much.  Yikes.  However, I will also say that when I was at the gym this morning, The Girls were a little sore with the jiggling on the elliptical.  So, with any luck, it is just  PMS bloating and water weight gain. Well, MOSTLY water.  After all, I did eat way too much candy last week. 

• My husband's friends brought him a nice plate of fudge for Christmas.  Sweet man, he took that plate to work with him today.  No temptation for me -- hallelujah!! 

• Breakfast this morning:  One chocolate protein shake made with one cup milk, one packet Carnation Sugar-free Instant Breakfast, one scoop protein powder and about 5 ice cubes. 

•  I made it to the gym today, my first day back after being sick for a couple weeks.  As I expected, I was only good for 20 minutes on the elliptical, no incline.  So, I will have to work back up to 40 plus incline.  But, I went, and can I just day....... it felt SO GOOD.  

• I forgot my inhaler for the gym today, but I didn't get out of breath til the very end of my workout, and there was no tightness or pain in my chest.  Which for me just means that yes, I am feeling much better and it is time to get back on the ball.

 
 Now I only have to get through the next 12 hours without completely pigging out and binging on everything in sight!  The first thing is to go find something filling for breakfast because that prtein shake just didn't do it for me.  Then...... it's Christmas time, ya'll!!!  I might have a few presents to wrap, and some bling to sew onto a skirt, all while spending my morning with Matt Lauer, Rachael Ray.  That ought to keep me busy till lunch time.  And if I can do all that without giving in to the munchies, then I just might indulge in a very long, hot bubble bath.  TTFN!!!!!!!!
 

Who the hell am I trying to kid?

I have eaten so much fudge in the last week it is just PATHETIC.   Disgusting, really. 

I haven't been to the gym in two weeks due to illness, so I have no idea what the scale says.  But you can be sure I have more than two pounds to lose now.  

I am such a freaking sugar addict and I CAN NOT LEAVE IT ALONE.  Especially during Christmas.  

I don't have much restriction these days. I can definitely eat way more than 3/4 cup.  I guess the good news is I can still only eat a small meal (almost full luncheon size plate).  And, I am not stuck, throwing up or sliming.  

But still..... can't make progress like this. 

So.... so much for the big plan.  Right now, day-by-day is about is as good as it gets with all of the Christmas craziness.  Tomorrow, I will go to the gym.  I will get on the scale and take my medicine.  Beyond that -- there are no guarantees.

Indulgence Avoidance -- 12 days and two pounds.

I am laying around in bed with my laptop this morning, reading blogs from the weekend.  Band-Babe had a very good question.

Holiday hell, our neighbor just brought over homemade chocolates- and if my family doesn't eat them fast enough, they will be going into the garbage can. I'd rather waste food, than waste my life fat. Definitely the better choice for me. I'm trying to put together a holiday indulgence avoidance strategy. I allowed myself to do whatever at Thanksgiving, but with very little restriction right now, that's probably not the best idea. I probably won't go for a fill until January, so this will mostly be up to me. The indulgence avoidance strategy is an entire post in itself. Do you have one?

Twelve Days til Christmas and I do not have a plan.  

Not only that, but I am Two Pounds Away from 100 pound weightloss.  

And it had never crossed my mind to come up with a plan.  

 I have less restriction now than I have had for a while.  In this last seven days, I have just been so thankful to eat without being sick and hurting.  Two pounds in 4 weeks should be SO EASY.  And yet I know it will be the hardest two pounds I have lost. Even if I had a plan and followed it to a tee. 

So, week one is behind me. I have been sick, so I have not been going to the gym.  Eating has been OK, although I couldn't tell you what I have been eating.  

Week two begins today.  I am still sick... have a nice little respiratory bug that, when mixed with asthma, makes it so I don't perform well at the gym.  So, probably no gym this week either.  Which means I must be extra good about calories.   Calories and protein.  Pay attention.  

Week three will end on Christmas Day.  Hopefully, I will be back at the gym this week.  I am sure I will be back down to 20 minutes on the elliptical, and I will have to work hard to get up to 30 by Christmas Eve.

And then week four... the week after Christmas.  With weigh-in around the corner, and two weeks away from the gym, I will need to work so hard to get the results I want.  I have been saying for months now that I need to resume weight training.  I guess now is the time.  

This doesn't totally address the food, although it isn't the Christmas dinners that bother me -- it is the cookies and the candy!! What I do know is that I must make room for SOME or I will totally binge. 

But, like Band-Babe , I can say there will be a lot of junk to hit the trash.  If I am going to indulge, it will be on only the best..... Mom's homemade caramels or Grandma's raisin cookies.  If it is store bought, I don't need it. The silly things the neighbor's bring ..... to be determined.  I have new neighbors this Christmas so I dont know that there is anything I just have to have.

Oh yeah.  And maybe I should tattoo the words TWO POUNDS on my forehead.

Need your advice

I have been sick for a week now and the ick is moving into my lungs.  My asthma will not like that much.  I am headed to see the doctor now.  The last two times I have been on antibiotics, I was given HUGE ones.  

The first were in capsule form and I tried to open and take with something else -- nasty and a pain.  

Last time, I got very large tablets.  Even when I cut them in half, I could only take 1/2 at a time. 

Needless to say, I did not finish my antibiotics either time. 

But this time, if I have stuff in my lungs, I HAVE to finish every last one of them, if not two rounds or I will be sick for weeks. 

So.... any ideas?  The Z-pac isnt too bad and  may be able to request that. (My doc is out for the weekend, and I am seeing a different doc than normal, so I am not sure.)  All my other meds are liquid and I do OK with them. 

I will be back soon -- ready for a nap!

Relief!!

I decided I needed something a little more positive to show at the top of my page, so I thought I would mention that the unfill on Monday has brought much relief.  I feel so much better!

Of course, I am still really concerned about a slipped band, so I have been very super careful..... I stayed on liquids Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and I only added in some mushies yesterday.  I just CANNOT be spending so much time with the Porcelain Throne. 

Also on a more positive note, I have been doing some writing this week.  I love my job as a journalist so much, but there is little work where I am at. So, instead of working full time, I work part-time, from home, a little here and a little there. Honestly, it is the best of both worlds and I should be happy, but I love the job so much that it is frustrating to me when I am not writing.  So anytime I have stories published, it is a good day. 

Otherwise, I have been fighting a cold.  I have crappy lungs that love a good case of bronchitis, so at the first sign of a cold, I have to really watch it.  So, this week, I have not been going to the gym.  I have been resting a lot. taking a lot of Airborne and being very diligent about my Advair.  (Please hold while I take a puff now, come to think of it. )  Yesterday, I grabbed a book and filled the tub with hot water and my favorite smelly bath salts.  They always say to get plenty of liquids, right?  I think three hours in the tub ought to do the trick.  I didn't mean to...... but the book I was reading was SO good!!!

In fact, so good that I am going to cozy up in my bed and read the morning away.  It has been ages since I finished an entire book in a couple days!