Just a quick update..... this was one damn long miserable week. While I may have figured out some things I can do on my part, my husband says he still has no answers for me. He feels like it would be easier on the kids to split now than down the road when their attachments are even stronger than now. But my HELL...... we haven't even been together long enough to say we tried. And every one of my kids is old enough to see that.
During the week when the kids are in school, I can spend my days with him. If nothing else, it helps my anxiety. Go figure... he breaks my heart into a million pieces, and I only feel peace when I am with him. I should just be madder than hell. But I am so afraid and I hurt so much I can't even start to be angry.
Friday night I went to the movie alone just to give him some space.... it was hard, but I actually enjoyed the movie. (I saw The Tourist.) but Saturday, I had to go spend an entire day in meetings for a volunteer org. I am with. I did "OK" during the day because I was with other people. But on the way home... an hour's drive alone.... the anxiety just got to me and by the time I got home to him I was a freaking basket case. I cried and cried and cried some more. It is just so hard to keep it together.
We spent Sunday together at our house, and we actually enjoyed the day, even just working. And when the kids came home from their dad's that night, he was so excited, telling them all about how their momma cut wood, ran wires, did plumbing, and can use a nailgun. It was so cute..... it makes me hopeful, and yet I am afraid to hope.
I got my fill last week, and at first, I would say there is not enough restriction. But... in the last couple days as the anxiety increases, there are a couple days when I have been unable to eat as much. So, I dont dare go for another fill just yet, even if I am eating too much overall.
No comments:
Post a Comment