I am so sorry, I am not sure anyone is even interested, but at this point, I need to unload the fury.
I have been watching my cell phone bill in the last couple weeks. Husband spent a good hour on the phone with his ex-wife again this morning and all of my anxiety has come flooding back. Only this time I am not just hurt and anxious, I am fucking pissed.
I have never told him that I know they have been talking.... didn't want to add fuel to the fire. And I figured two things: a) if they just talked a couple times, then I am making a big deal of nothing. b) they have kids together, of course they are going to talk.
But this is the thing:
Three phone calls, coincidentally at the same time he tells me he is unhappy in our marriage.
One 30 minutes, one 60 minutes, 50 minutes today. (Yes, I am going to yell!))
THIS IS THE MAN WHO IS SO BENT ON WORKING HIS ASS OFF ON THAT HOUSE THAT HE WONT SPEND 10 MINUTES ON THE PHONE WITH ME BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now the way I see it, if their conversations are all about their son coming home from Japan, he would come home and tell me that she called and they talked today. BUT HE HASN'T SAID A WORD.
The man needs to understand one thing. He is married to ME, not her. If he is unhappy, he needs to be talking to ME, not her. I understand they have been friends since they were teenagers. But that should have changed the day he put a ring on my finger. And if he doesnt want to talk to me, then there are so many other people he could and should talk to.
The other thing that pisses me off is that she is on my Facebook account. No, we are not great "friends." But friendly, and civil to one another. Hey, call me crazy. But the kids dont need us to be at each others throats. And, it gives us a neutral forum to talk..... it used to be that she would give me updates on the kids if needed, and I would pass them on to my husband. (She wont call our house at night when it is honest because geeee..... her husband doesnt like it any more than I do.) So on my facebook page, she keeps commenting on things and acting like she isn't going behind my freaking back.
So now, I don't know what the hell. Just when I was starting to feel some hope, I am all messed up again. I think I need to talk to him, because I can't keep letting him think it is OK. Right now, I am torn. I am sick to my stomach. His sister is going to call me back in about 30 minutes and talk me through this. But I really want to get in the car and drive over to the house to ask him WHAT THE HELL????????????
Really??? Am I asking so much??
O.M.G.!! Really!?! An hour on the phone?? With the ex-wife? This is the same man that went to Alaska without a phone and was writing letters because he didn't want to be bothered with a phone? I don't get it!
ReplyDeleteOk...after some thinking I have two schools of thought on this. Bear with me...
Being the optimist...He could be trying to get another woman's opinion that he trusts to try to get in your head to figure out what he needs to do to make this right. Could he possibly be trying to save your marriage by asking her what he did wrong in the their marriage and what he can do to not repeat the same mistakes? He did say he loved you yesterday, right? Maybe she's trying to help him help you. And he hasn't told you that he's taking to her because he doesn't want you to think he needs help and that he's figured it out all by himself. Weird yes, and totally screwed up from a woman's point of view. But my husband talks to a female friend all the time for stuff like this and it's not a big deal...yes it bothered me at first because he used to be totally in lust with her, but there is no romantic interest now on either side so it's ok and we're all good friends now.
If I was going to be the pessimist I'd say yes, something is definitely wrong and there is more to this than meets the eye. Is there a way to see on the bill if he is initiating the call or if she is calling him? That would be helpful to know where to start. I think the fact that she's hiding the calls from her husband is suspicious. And you guys are flying over there and will be seeing her in a few weeks, right? I think I'd watch their body language when they are in each others company very closely. Hopefully his sister can shed some light on things...she would know him and his ex and the dynamics of their relationship.
I wish I could be more help. I would send you chocolate but then you would just have to spend more time at the gym and I know how you hate that so I won't torture you LOL.
Keep your chin up...Newlywed growing pains suck!!
(((HUG)))
She always calls him. ALWAYS. He refuses to call her. Long story.
ReplyDeletenext time you and Marine are talking...ask him if he has spoken to X (be casual) say you haven't heard anything from her on Facebook...If he lies...well, your now justified to go BOOM!!! If he says yes and talks about it...well, your back to square one...I'm so sarry Doll...I do understand the feeling since I have been there before myself!!
ReplyDeleteYou have to be honest with him and lay it all out. I think it would be a good idea to schedule an appointment with a couple's therapist or your clergy person. There's nothing wrong with talking with an ex, especially when they have kids, but he's not being honest about it and combined with the all the other things going on, I think it spells trouble.
ReplyDeleteWe talked today, and I am so glad we did. But I am seriously emotionally drained. I will have to update tomorrow or the next day.
ReplyDelete