Thursday, December 30, 2010

I am going to have a come-apart!!!!!!!!!

On Tuesday, I was in desperate need of a long hot bubble bath, but I got called to do a newspaper story, so I spent the afternoon working, and my opportunity was lost. 

So yesterday, I REALLY needed that hot bath. Not to mention the greasy hair, hairy legs and other "ewwwww" factors.  Instead, I got 2 minutes in an ankle-deep tub of cold water. Skip the hair and wash what I have to.... because my daughter got the luxury of a long, leisurely hot shower. 

Therefore TODAY........ I told her in no uncertain terms that mom gets the bathroom first. PERIOD. 

But if you think I am freshly bathed and relaxed, think again!!! 

It takes a long time for the hot water to actually get hot and get up the stairs to my tub, so you usually have to start it and give it time to heat.  Which I did.  And then I put in a few pumps of Lavender and Chamomile bubble bath that my step-daughter sent me for Christmas.  And then I waited for my tub to fill so I could sink into a hot tub of goodness. 
Well, that won't be happening. 

Because yours truly failed to flip the switch to plug the drain.  And while I was waiting for my tub to fill, all of that hot water went right down the effing drain.

I am not sure what makes me more angry -- that once again I am gypped of my bubble bath, (I really do have things I should be working on, not lounging in the tub all day long!) or that this time it is my own damn fault... can't even blame the teenager this time.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Avoidance and bad behavior

I hope you all had a special holiday with your families.  I celebrated my first Christmas with my new husband and I have to say, it was a nice day. 

I guess I am in quite a rut right now..... eating lots of caramels, chocolate and anything else I can get my hands on.  I have been avoiding my Twitter and my blogs, the things that help keep me in line. Sometimes it is just too much to think about every waking moment.

Apparently, I need a fill again.  But, I am so afraid of going back to the puking and sliming.  At this point, I would have to say my band hasn't slip.  After the last unfill, I can eat pretty good now.  Maybe too good. But, I need to get my self under control and work some of this weight off before I am going back to the Big City to get on that scale. More avoidance.... I dont want to see the evidence of my misbehavior in numbers.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The first two hours of my day.... and only 12 more to go!

 The day has only just begun, so there isn't much to day just yet.  I am off to a good start for the day, but I am so worried about getting through the entire day.  But, for now, in a nutshell........
  •  The scale at the gym this morning said 224.  I expected it to go up, but maybe not that much.  Yikes.  However, I will also say that when I was at the gym this morning, The Girls were a little sore with the jiggling on the elliptical.  So, with any luck, it is just  PMS bloating and water weight gain. Well, MOSTLY water.  After all, I did eat way too much candy last week. 
  • My husband's friends brought him a nice plate of fudge for Christmas.  Sweet man, he took that plate to work with him today.  No temptation for me -- hallelujah!! 
  • Breakfast this morning:  One chocolate protein shake made with one cup milk, one packet Carnation Sugar-free Instant Breakfast, one scoop protein powder and about 5 ice cubes. 
  •  I made it to the gym today, my first day back after being sick for a couple weeks.  As I expected, I was only good for 20 minutes on the elliptical, no incline.  So, I will have to work back up to 40 plus incline.  But, I went, and can I just day....... it felt SO GOOD.  
  • I forgot my inhaler for the gym today, but I didn't get out of breath til the very end of my workout, and there was no tightness or pain in my chest.  Which for me just means that yes, I am feeling much better and it is time to get back on the ball.
 Now I only have to get through the next 12 hours without completely pigging out and binging on everything in sight!  The first thing is to go find something filling for breakfast because that prtein shake just didn't do it for me.  Then...... it's Christmas time, ya'll!!!  I might have a few presents to wrap, and some bling to sew onto a skirt, all while spending my morning with Matt Lauer, Rachael Ray.  That ought to keep me busy till lunch time.  And if I can do all that without giving in to the munchies, then I just might indulge in a very long, hot bubble bath.  TTFN!!!!!!!!


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Who the hell am I trying to kid?

I have eaten so much fudge in the last week it is just PATHETIC.   Disgusting, really. 

I haven't been to the gym in two weeks due to illness, so I have no idea what the scale says.  But you can be sure I have more than two pounds to lose now.  

I am such a freaking sugar addict and I CAN NOT LEAVE IT ALONE.  Especially during Christmas.  

I don't have much restriction these days. I can definitely eat way more than 3/4 cup.  I guess the good news is I can still only eat a small meal (almost full luncheon size plate).  And, I am not stuck, throwing up or sliming.  

But still..... can't make progress like this. 

So.... so much for the big plan.  Right now, day-by-day is about is as good as it gets with all of the Christmas craziness.  Tomorrow, I will go to the gym.  I will get on the scale and take my medicine.  Beyond that -- there are no guarantees.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Indulgence Avoidance -- 12 days and two pounds.

I am laying around in bed with my laptop this morning, reading blogs from the weekend.  Band-Babe had a very good question.

Holiday hell, our neighbor just brought over homemade chocolates- and if my family doesn't eat them fast enough, they will be going into the garbage can. I'd rather waste food, than waste my life fat. Definitely the better choice for me. I'm trying to put together a holiday indulgence avoidance strategy. I allowed myself to do whatever at Thanksgiving, but with very little restriction right now, that's probably not the best idea. I probably won't go for a fill until January, so this will mostly be up to me. The indulgence avoidance strategy is an entire post in itself. Do you have one?
Twelve Days til Christmas and I do not have a plan.  
Not only that, but I am Two Pounds Away from 100 pound weightloss.  

And it had never crossed my mind to come up with a plan.  

 I have less restriction now than I have had for a while.  In this last seven days, I have just been so thankful to eat without being sick and hurting.  Two pounds in 4 weeks should be SO EASY.  And yet I know it will be the hardest two pounds I have lost. Even if I had a plan and followed it to a tee. 

So, week one is behind me. I have been sick, so I have not been going to the gym.  Eating has been OK, although I couldn't tell you what I have been eating.  

Week two begins today.  I am still sick... have a nice little respiratory bug that, when mixed with asthma, makes it so I don't perform well at the gym.  So, probably no gym this week either.  Which means I must be extra good about calories.   Calories and protein.  Pay attention.  

Week three will end on Christmas Day.  Hopefully, I will be back at the gym this week.  I am sure I will be back down to 20 minutes on the elliptical, and I will have to work hard to get up to 30 by Christmas Eve.

And then week four... the week after Christmas.  With weigh-in around the corner, and two weeks away from the gym, I will need to work so hard to get the results I want.  I have been saying for months now that I need to resume weight training.  I guess now is the time.  

This doesn't totally address the food, although it isn't the Christmas dinners that bother me -- it is the cookies and the candy!! What I do know is that I must make room for SOME or I will totally binge. 

But, like Band-Babe , I can say there will be a lot of junk to hit the trash.  If I am going to indulge, it will be on only the best..... Mom's homemade caramels or Grandma's raisin cookies.  If it is store bought, I don't need it. The silly things the neighbor's bring ..... to be determined.  I have new neighbors this Christmas so I dont know that there is anything I just have to have.

Oh yeah.  And maybe I should tattoo the words TWO POUNDS on my forehead.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Need your advice

I have been sick for a week now and the ick is moving into my lungs.  My asthma will not like that much.  I am headed to see the doctor now.  The last two times I have been on antibiotics, I was given HUGE ones.  

The first were in capsule form and I tried to open and take with something else -- nasty and a pain.  

Last time, I got very large tablets.  Even when I cut them in half, I could only take 1/2 at a time. 

Needless to say, I did not finish my antibiotics either time. 

But this time, if I have stuff in my lungs, I HAVE to finish every last one of them, if not two rounds or I will be sick for weeks. 

So.... any ideas?  The Z-pac isnt too bad and  may be able to request that. (My doc is out for the weekend, and I am seeing a different doc than normal, so I am not sure.)  All my other meds are liquid and I do OK with them. 

I will be back soon -- ready for a nap!

Thursday, December 9, 2010


I decided I needed something a little more positive to show at the top of my page, so I thought I would mention that the unfill on Monday has brought much relief.  I feel so much better!

Of course, I am still really concerned about a slipped band, so I have been very super careful..... I stayed on liquids Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and I only added in some mushies yesterday.  I just CANNOT be spending so much time with the Porcelain Throne. 

Also on a more positive note, I have been doing some writing this week.  I love my job as a journalist so much, but there is little work where I am at. So, instead of working full time, I work part-time, from home, a little here and a little there. Honestly, it is the best of both worlds and I should be happy, but I love the job so much that it is frustrating to me when I am not writing.  So anytime I have stories published, it is a good day. 

Otherwise, I have been fighting a cold.  I have crappy lungs that love a good case of bronchitis, so at the first sign of a cold, I have to really watch it.  So, this week, I have not been going to the gym.  I have been resting a lot. taking a lot of Airborne and being very diligent about my Advair.  (Please hold while I take a puff now, come to think of it. )  Yesterday, I grabbed a book and filled the tub with hot water and my favorite smelly bath salts.  They always say to get plenty of liquids, right?  I think three hours in the tub ought to do the trick.  I didn't mean to...... but the book I was reading was SO good!!!

In fact, so good that I am going to cozy up in my bed and read the morning away.  It has been ages since I finished an entire book in a couple days!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My thoughts on the death of Elizabeth Edwards

"A lot of people have great hope, and a lot of people who have great hope live. And, some of them who have great hope die. So it's not that hope is going to save you. A positive attitude is not going to save you. What it's going to do is, everyday, between now and the day you die, whether that's a short time from now or a long time from now, that every day, you're going to actually live." 

This is a quote from Elizabeth Edwards, who died today.   I admire her so much.  In the face of cancer, and in the face of everything her husband put her through..... she handled all of it with dignity and grace.  If she had an inner bitch in her, she didn't let the world see it.  That is such a rarity these days.  

It is funny... I was thinking of her and her illness this morning, and how she must be feeling as a mother of young children...maybe hoping at least for one last Christmas. I was thinking about the holidays, and my friend Jeff, who was fighting cancer at this time last year. Jeff, a single father of four boys, died the day after Christmas last year. 

These things combined make me think of my sweet husband.  I married a man who is older than me ... I am 38, he is 50.  His father died in his 40s of heart problems.  My husband seems to be quite healthy, and I am glad for that. But the reality is..... who ever knows how much time we have with one another?  My neighbor, who is in her 60s, said she feels like she should have a good 5-7 years of enjoying her husband post-retirement.  Which made me think....... what if........

What if I only have 5-7 years with this sweet husband of mine? 

Yes, I have 20 years of baggage that has been causing issues for me. But in the ONE year I have been with my husband, he has tried harder than my ex tried in 20. 

I need to set my issues aside and cherish this man for all the days that I have him. 

Him, my children, my family.... I am surrounded by amazing people. 

Monday, December 6, 2010

Foaming at the mouth today

I am so sorry, this is Blog Post #4 today.  But -- no one else to talk to at the moment. 

I am freaked out about the possibility of a slipped band.  I would really like to talk to my husband about it.  But today has been one of those days.  He spent the day working on the house.  He got home..... I had to leave for a baby shower.  In the 2 minutes I got to talk to him, it was all about the house.  I couldn't get a word.  I got home from the baby shower, and the first thing was all about how the computer didn't work STILL.  

I probably wasn't very nice to him.  I told him I am DONE with that computer -- I tried to do what I could to fix it. And then I took it to the shop.  But I feel like everything I have done isn't good enough, like he is second guessing every move I make with it.  I am not a computer geek.  I am sick of trying to struggle through the thing to figure it out.  

Remember when I said I am not good at this newlywed stuff? 

He said he didn't mean that it was my fault.  But I can also tell he isn't happy with me and my attitude.  So he is in the shower and I am here with my laptop feeling like an ass.   For half a second I stopped to wonder why I get so damn defensive.  But I am tired. I am still freaked out about the band and I don't really want to get into any heavy thinking right now.  I am tired and I am coming down with a cold. And when I get a cold, it very quickly turns to bronchitis if I am not super careful.  And I am really just whining at this point.

I am so sorry for that.  But ..... had to get it off my chest.  Going to do the dishes now. 

Crap...... now what?


My appointment today was good.... but also potentially bad. 

The good news....... actual weigh-in was 213 pounds.  The gym scale gives me an idea of what is happening.  But this one is the one I have to go by.  I was 216 on November 15.  So, down three pounds. Haha, it doesn't sound as cool as 6 pounds on the gym scale.  But...... there is water weight and all that blah blah blah.  So.... that leaves me TWO POUNDS AWAY from 100 pounds lost.  

The bad news.... my nurse Vivienne thinks I have the beginning of a slip.  With all of the up and down, too tight, fill/unfill...... she is getting concerned.  So, we took out .75 cc today, leaving only 1 cc in for now.  If that doesn't do it, we take it ALL out.  She said sometimes that will be enough to correct a slip.  But it things don't improve alot, them I am looking at a barium swallow and x-rays.   Yuck.  

My biggest worry is the requirement for another surgery. Financially -- that scares me.  Does anyone have any knowledge/experience with a slipped band?  

If all goes well... I will not be going back to the Big City until the first of next year.  I just want to get through the holidays.  And even if I do not have enough restriction...... I don't want any potential for issues.  

If I was to look through my rose colored glasses, I would like to think I can lose two measly pounds  in a month.  But, it is Christmas.  But if I have a slip... well, then, who the hell knows.  

I am still on liquids for a couple more days, then mushies.... have to baby this poor tummy along.  Because I really do not want another surgery. Too bad they can't do a tummy tuck along with fixing the band.  It's just about time!

Good news....

I just got back from the gym..... Last Friday, I was at 222.  

Today.... 215.5  

If nothing else, what that means is I have lost weight AND been retaining water.  So with any luck, tightness will go away soon.  Hoping-Hoping-Hoping!!!

Hahaha... and with the good news, there is always bad news, isnt there?  Yeah.  The bad news is -- it is snowing.  Alot.  And it takes an hour and a half to get to the Big City on a good day.  Not sure I want to drive amongst the crazies today. 

But I really want this weigh-in.  

Laughing even harder... I will probably make it to 99 pounds lost today just because I want 100 so badly!  I will let you all know tonight!

I just need a break from this.... but.....

I go to the Big City today for a weigh-in.  It has been three weeks since a slight unfill.  I felt so much better for days and it was wonderful to be able to eat! But, now I am super tight again, stuck on just liquids for the last four days. Last night, I attempted a single Club cracker. I can not believe the pain from one silly cracker. 

Right this minute, I am so ready for another unfill.  I am tired of wanting to eat and being unable to. I am tired of puking and being in pan if I even try  mushies.  But then, right before my fill, I was EATING LIKE CRAZY.  So I am a little afraid of an unfill. I feel like I will have ZERO control once this band quits being mean to me. 

So, I will be down there at 1:30 this afternoon and we will see what the scale has to say.  I mean, I am SO CLOSE to the 100 pound milestone that I just don't want to be stalled here forever. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Naming the Band.... may need some help on this one!

I totally love that so many of you have given your band a name.  

I think maybe my band needs a name.

As I was bowing before the Porcelain Throne tonight after dinner, I decided that if I had to give her a name today, it would be The Bitch. 

I was doing OK after an unfill three weeks ago.  But suddenly I am too tight again.  I have been on liquids only for a couple days.  Well, tonight I caved and had a bit of baked potato.... very soft.  But, my stomach rebelled. 

But on a good band day, maybe The Bitch doesn't sound very friendly.  I just haven't come up with a suitable alternative yet.  

Any ideas?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Oh, the irony!!

As if I haven't eaten enough pie in the last 4 days. 

My stepdaughter recently held a Pampered Chef party to show off her new home.  Of course, I couldn't be there because she lives in another state. But... thanks to the internet, I can still spend money, right? I did. :)

So today, the doorbell range and the Fabulous Fed-ex man left a box on my step today.  

Inside the box, buried beneath layers of brown paper was another box.  And inside this smaller box is my new prize.....

..............A brand-new Cranberry Deep-Dish Pie Plate. 

How amazingly ironic is that?  

I guess if I was good, I would find a new recipe for a nice, savory pot pie for dinner.  But really, the pecans in my freezer are calling my name.  So, I will be a good band girl.  My pretty new pie plate will go back in the box so that it can be stored in my kitchen in the garage, where it will sit an collect dust untiI can move into my brand new kitchen in the Big House. Next year.

Unless of course, the stress takes over and makes me want pie. :)

PS.  The lemon meringue pie is gone now.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What the HELL is wrong with me!?

Oh. My. Freakin. HELL.  

Every little thing is making me crazy these days.  Like looney bins crazy.

Sunday night, I was so tired.  When I am tired, my brain is checked out.  Do not ask me to do or think anything that is more complicated than "do you want to go to bed?"

I was in the middle of mindlessly putting away my CDs, making sure all the CD inserts were in the CD book, etc. Husband interrupts my trance-like state to ask if Windows had a free download that would make all the issues on his computer go away.  I say "yes, let me help you in a few... brain can not switch gears in this moment."  Not good enough......He wants help RIGHT NOW. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't mean about it... just keeps asking me questions that I cant answer off the top of my head. You know... like what I AM DOING IS NOT IMPORTANT. 


I spent all day Monday working on his computer. I am not a computer geek, but I can fake it when I need to.  And I got his computer running SO much better than it was. Before all things, he is a man.  SO no, he didn't go try it out to see how it was working.  Or even say thank you.  It just wasn't good enough because the screen saver wasn't moving as fast as he thought it should. So -- I was sulking. And if that wasn't enough -- I burned the garlic bread.  I didn't just burn the garlic bread, I started the damn thing on fire. And set off the smoke alarm.  And then I sat down on the stairs and cried like a baby. 


Last night -- I was so excited that he came home early, but he went right out to the garage. His sister offered to stay with kids so we could have a date night. Just the two of us.  But.... he had things to do. And then -- he is so wrapped up in this house he is working on, I feel as if who I am and what I do has become non-existent.  No tears last night... but I did go to bed early.  I just wanted to be ALONE. I was single for five years. I am not afraid of being alone. I would rather be alone than invisible. 

I didn't cry..... but did I mention that I ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT?  ALL DAMN DAY. 

I started off so good -- with 40 minutes at the gym and a protein shake for breakfast.  But then......

A piece of lemon meringue pie. A whole wheat roll with turkey and avocado. Several pieces of chocolate. Another piece of pie.  Chips. More chocolate. More chocolate. Another roll-turkey-avocado. Another piece of pie. (Damn, it is good stuff, I am telling you!)  Cheese and crackers before bed. I am telling you -- I was out of control.  

If I was to guess, I would predict that one of these days soon, I will go to the gym and find five pounds have appeared from out of hormonal nowhere. And them I will say -- aha! I haven't been just a bitch... I have been a PMS bitch. 

My poor husband.  In his defense, can I just tell you that when I was sitting on the step bawling my eyes out over garlic bread, that sweet man ran to the grocery store and bought more bread.  Not only that.... he also ran to the liquor store and bought me a bottle of my favorite whine wine.  All before the spaghetti got cold. 

I love him SO much -- I am just not so good at being a newlywed. 

But I AM really good at eating pie. 

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Success!!!! Well, maybe.

The band was nice to me -- tightness went away so I could eat some of Thanksgiving dinner, and some pie.... went out to eat a couple times, and I have one more thanksgiving meal to get through today. 

Of course, it has been a little crazy here, so I haven't gone to the gym, so I am not sure what that is going to do to me.  

I am supposed to go to the Big City for a weigh-in tomorrow, but it has been snowing all night.... and the storm wasn't even supposed to start til tonight.  So -- I am thinking I will call and cancel my appointment for now.  The vomiting-PB-slimy crap has stopped.  I can't eat every meal, but more than I was.  So the only reason I need to go tomorrow is to step on the scale.  LOL -- give me a week at the gym and then I will go.

Thanksgiving Day went well with the family.  As always, I enjoyed my family -- I love being in a family like mine.  And dinner with the in-laws was not so bad, considering we went there twice.... before Grandma's and after grandma's.  

On the before trip, everyone was diving into the snacks and talking.... only one of the cousins even acknowledged I was there. But later, some others walked right up and introduced themselves to me, which was nice.  There were still alot of people there, and I am not fond of crowds, so it was a little weird.  But... as more people left and I could loosen up a bit, then it was actually kind of nice. 

My sister-in-law called -- she lives back east.  She stayed here with our family while my brother was deployed and I just miss her so much now that she has gone back to her own home. 

We did a lot of shopping this weekend... both for Christmas, and for the house.  Get this --- we managed to hit one hell of a clearance sale at Lowe's!!!!  We got the most beautiful wall sconces. Regular price: $88.  Clearance Price; $17.90.  But hey, it's Thanksgiving and we want this GONE, so take another 90% off of everything on this rack.  Final price: $1.70   There was one light on the rack, so we snatched it up. And then, as I was wandering (waiting for the husband) I happened to notice three more way up high on the shelf.  So..... I grabbed a store manager, and YES, I got three more at the same price. Wahooo!!!!  I don't like shopping much, but who can complain about that???

Tomorrow is back to the grind..... even if I don't do a weigh-in, I will make it back to the gym.  If that is the only thing I do all day, I must go to the gym.  I am sure I will be back to 20 minutes on the elliptical after not going this week. But it shouldn't be too hard to get back up to 30.  

That's all for a weekend.  I hope you all had a really nice band-happy holiday.   

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I am thankful for......

So many things.

I am thankful for my lapband, my parents who helped me get it, the family who gets it, and the husband who never, ever makes me feel bad if he takes me out to dinner and I just can't eat. I am thankful for the pounds lost and health gained.  I am thankful for the support I have found online.... on my Twitter page, and from all of YOU pushed the little follow button because you thought I might have something interesting to say.

I am thankful for my daughters.  All four of them are beautiful, amazing girls.  They mind their manners, they mind their momma, they are all 4.0 students and they are so kind to each other and the people around them.  I lve those girls so much.  They make my job as a momma so easy.

I am incredibly thankful for my family.  I am so lucky to have a drama-free family where we really just all get along and enjoy one another's company. 

Did I mention my husbands?  My ex, who was an ass, who made be learn to be incredibly strong and independent. How can I not be thankful for that?  Life lessons are life lessons, even if they come with heartache.   But even better is my new husband ... my Marine.  I am thankful he wouldn't take no for an answer. He has such an infectious personality that the girl who swore she was never getting married again couldn't say no twice. :)  He takes such good care of us.... me and my girls.  Where our lives were once filled with anger and anxiety, now there is laughter. And I love it.

Above all, I am thankful for blue sky and sunshine and I will be forever happy when I get my summer back. :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Never thought I would see the day

I used to eat like every meal was my last. No restraint. Whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. 

I never thought I would see the day when I would just appreciate the ability to eat, when I would savor even a tiny bowl of soup because I just never know what is going to stay down. 

The ol' band is tight again.  I was on mostly liquid yesterday.  I did manage a few crackers in the middle of the day but that was it.  I have had a sip of chocolate milk this morning and I am thinking today will be about the same.  

Liquids get really old. 

And tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 

Hmmmm. What in the hell am I going to do about that?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Once through the lips, forever on the hips

The weekend is over.  Husband and the dog have gone to work on our house and the girlies have all gone to school.   So I get the entire house all to myself.  Even with the TV on, I can actually hear myself think! Of course, that mean I have to take a look at this last week. 

I went to the Big City a week ago today for a bit of an unfill. In the last few months, I seem to be either way too freaking tight or eating like a horse!  It has been heaven since Monday.  I was so thrilled just to be able to get a protein shake down before going to the gym.  Since then, I have been very conscious about what I am eating.  I got my tiny bowls out again instead of eyeballing my plate.  

Today  -- I actually got food for breakfast and I loved it. An egg and a slice of ham.  It was delish and nice tot to be drinking the protein.  But then again, last night was potato soup and breadsticks.  One (regular size) bowl and one small breadstick, with a small apple crisp an hour later.  For anyone else -- that is good eats.  For me -- eesh, maybe a bit much!

But overall, I think I did really well.  And I made it to the gym FIVE DAYS last week...... 30 minutes on the elliptical Monday through Thursday and 20 on Friday.  The scale at the gym this morning said 220 pounds.

This week -- just have to keep watching how much I eat.  I would like to think I could be back at my happy sweet spot again.  I am SO CLOSE to 100 pounds lost I can taste it, lol.   I go back to the Big City next week Monday to step on the scale and see how this unfill is working for me -- Thanksgiving and all.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

All I want is the pie..... a bit of anxiety about Thanksgiving

It appears I can't get out of appearing at two Thanksgiving dinners and this is giving me a great deal of anxiety. 

We are going to Grandma's at 2:30 p.m.  Easy peasy.  All of my family knows about my surgery and is quite supportive. So if I am having a tight band day and it is all liquids for me -- they get it,  No stress there.  I love going to Grandma's house. It will be a small gathering this year -- even better. 

The problem is -- now husband wants to also drag me to Uncle's as well, at 1 p.m.  TWO meals, so close together, when I dont even know if I can eat at one.  And his family doesn't know about my band, so I am sure there will be a bazillion questions if I don't eat anything.  Not only that -- but to be around all the food, smell all the food, and not even take a bite...... man, that puts me in a tough spot. 

Because let's face it -- I still love food. 

Besides the food, it is just a larger crowd and I don't do crowd's well. And -- I don't know hardly anyone there, so that is always uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable. 

And then there are the potatoes. Grandma asked me to do the potatoes. She is getting older and preparing such a large meal is hard on her. So absolutely -- I need to peel and cut and mash potatoes so she doesn't have to.  

Call me fussy, whiney or whatever you like.  But I do not like mashed potatoes that have been prepared in advance and let to keep warm for several hours.  It changes the consistency.  And believe me --- Aunt has hardly welcomed me into the family so the last thing I want to do is go to her house, refuse to eat her Thanksgiving Dinner -- but ask to use her kitchen so I can make potatoes for Grandma. Besides, I totally understand -- her kitchen will already be chaotic.  

So that leaves me with peeling and chopping potatoes, and taking them to Grandma's, and make her promise just to turn on the stove.  Then have to leave Uncle's, race to Grandma's to mash those potatoes before she does.  Which will be a challenge.  Because if I am not there -- she will mash them.  

Ugh!!!! All of this heartburn and all I really want is the pie.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Don't touch my meatloaf!

I have been tight for days and downing a lot of liquids. I am feeling great today and I want real food. 

I have been playing around with my meatloaf recently and I came up with something that is just to die for.  I always make extra so that I have a good high-protein food in my fridge.  And every time I make the meatloaf, my kids eat the leftovers before I can.  

So today... I am being incredibly indulgent.  I am making an entire meatloaf just for me.  Husband is off working on our house.  All the daughters are in school and I am home ALL ALONE.  

I tried a trick that I got from a Pampered Chef consultant...... I am cooking my meatloaf in my stoneware muffin pan.  So, it is a good way to season my pan and I get little mini portions that I can heat up one at a time. I can not wait. 

And yes, dear sweet daughters will be told --- "Don't touch my meatloaf!"

Can you believe I am still in bed!?

OMG it is 930 already!!! That is insane.  But it isn't like I have been wasting the day away.... I have been playing on the computer, adding pages to my blog.  Since my surgery was actually a year ago, I added pages so it would be easier to learn about me and my experience with the Lapband.  One of these days, I may get around to adding one more page with some before and after pix. MAYBE.  I have never been fond of having my picture taken. 

As for now, I need to get my behind to the gym.  I am not dying to be there... kind of stiff and sore this morning.  But wouldn't it be cool if I can say I made it all five days this week?

Yesterday THE BAND was a little tight.  I never did eat dinner, and let me tell you -- today I am totally looking forward to some kind of nourishment.    I have to settle for a protein shake now, but maybe by dinner time I can do something better. 

Hope you all have a great day.  I am going to do my best to enjoy because I am much like my fellow donut-loving friend... hate the rain, hate the snow, hate to be cold.  And we get five damn days of it, beginning tomorrow. :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Gym got my attention today. There is no more.

I wanted nothing more this morning than to stay in my cozy warm bed with my laptop. But -- I had to take the kids to school.  And I can't take them to school without passing the gym.  Therefore, I can't go home without GOING TO THE GYM. 

So, I went. I did my 30 minutes on the elliptical while reading a magazine and watching the Today show. I can't say I enjoyed it.  But the time passed quickly. 
I need to start doing weights again. Another day.  Today... I am just. worn. out. 

Had soup and a roll for lunch today and THE BAND has not been happy.  It has been hours and I am still slowly working on a bottle of chocolate milk.  Since I just started the band blog, I will have to update you all and the recent issues I have been having with being too tight.

But for tonight, driving to the Big City to pick up the dog. And en route, I have to figure out how to do two Thanksgiving dinners in 90 minutes.  I am not sure this is really possible.  I am not sure I want it to be possible.   Did I mention I am a newlywed? Grandma’s house is safe and familiar. (translate as: I don’t have to explain my eating habits or the lack thereof).  Uncle’s house… not so much.